How to Let Go of Past Relationships With Shari Leid

This message is for you if you can relate to going through moments in your life where you feel like something is missing or something feels off. Those moments where you question yourself are the times to start evaluating what changes you need to make in your relationships or within yourself. 

Shari Leid is a certified life coach and author of, Make Your Mess Your Message and the 50/50 Friendship Flow. We crossed paths without her even knowing! On a girl’s night out with two of my best friends, we talked about the books we were reading that have inspired us recently, and Vivian mentioned Shari’s book, Make Your Mess Your Message. When she shared how Shari had interviewed 50 friends to share their messages about life’s journey in each chapter, I knew I had to meet her. 

Shari continues to help others on their path to find joy in their friendships, lives, and family, with her coaching practice, an imperfectly perfect life. Her website says, “I help you see how past messages may no longer be working for you, how obstacles are opportunities in disguise, and I help you let go of the fears of the future and the restraints of the past.”

As a stylist, I’m constantly working with people evolving and learning more about who they are. I need to guide them in clearly seeing themselves in the present and their future, rather than being stuck in who they used to be or how they used to look.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • How to let go of past relationships
  • Ideas to reignite joy
  • How to know when it’s time for a change
  • Overcoming the fear of change

How to let go of past relationships

People come into our lives to help us learn significant lessons, evolve as humans, and make great memories. That said, not all relationships last forever; some last a season. As uncomfortable as it can be, there is a way to end relationships that no longer serve you. 

Shari Leid

It’s best, to be honest, Shari says. When you know it’s time to end the relationship; it’s essential to do so with as much honesty and communication as possible. Breaking up with a partner or friend is hard, so the clearer you can be about why it’s happening, the easier it will be to communicate that in a healthy way. Sometimes we have to let go of friendships to grow.

Ideas to reignite joy

A common challenge Shari gives her clients is to do something scary every day or once a month. One of her clients was a woman divorced in her 40s who challenged herself to go on 21 dates in 21 days. The more dates she went on, the less she felt nervous or intimidated, and it helped her understand what type really attracted her. Men were coming up to her asking her out, which she said had never happened before. Do something different for yourself to reignite joy!

How to know when it’s time for change

How do you know when it’s time for a change? Sharis says to trust your gut. “Our gut is more honest than our minds are,” She explains. “As we get older, we stick in relationships because we think we have to. Or friendships. If that person’s name gives us angst, then maybe that relationship isn’t working out for you. We grow in different ways.”

Holding on to relationships is similar to holding onto clothes. You think you have to keep the dress circa 2012 because you spent a lot of time and money on this outfit, but it doesn’t match who you are now.

Overcoming the fear of change

Shari says there are three things you can do to overcome the fear of change.

  1. Look at your past messes. Transitions come at a time that feels messy. Those messes compel you to something greater than you imagined. Whether it’s divorce or a lost job – it got you to something better. 
  2. Ask yourself, if today were the last day of your life, would you be doing what you’re doing now? Time is important. You don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
  3. A woman Shari writes about in her books asks herself this question when she feels anxious about change – What is the worst that could happen? Most of the time, the worst that could happen is to start over and do something different. The risk isn’t as significant as you think. 
Shari Leid

It’s helpful to enjoy the journey, not try to control it during transition periods. 

There’s nothing better than honest conversations like this; the real, raw truth behind our lives and how to continue finding new parts of ourselves as we age. It shows how powerful it is to let go of past relationships, overcome the fear of change, and create something more meaningful for yourself.

If this made you want to take action in your life, let me know in the comments! I’d love to hear about what personally called to you.

Looking for more styling tips? Be sure to follow me on Instagram @thecloset.edit and TikTok @theclosetedit!

More from Shari Leid:

Learn more from Shari Leid, check out her books, The 50/50 Friendship Flow, Make Your Mess Your Message, and Ask Yourself This (coming soon!), and follow along on Instagram at @an_imperfectly_perfect_life.

tannya bernadette
Founder of TCE Tannya Bernadette

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